I am a little behind,
but August 2nd marked my 3-year Haitiversary…I wrote the following a
many weeks ago…
Never did I imagine that
moving to Haiti was a decision that I would be faced with in my life. Never did
I think out of all the people in this world, God would call me to this journey.
The broken, lost, scared, me. So how did God lead me on this journey?? How did
I initially get to Haiti? Many people have asked me recently, so here it is….
My world was rocked
after my first trip to Haiti in May 2013. I was blindsided by a lot, but
specifically the special needs population. I traveled to and stayed at Respire
Haiti for the week, but visited another organization for a day. It was there
that I was broken as I saw a few children with special needs in questionable
situations. God opened my eyes that trip and had me on my knees in prayer
asking what the next steps were. It would have been easy to just go back to my
normal life and jump back into my routine. But something was different – I knew
that I could not simply get back into the groove of the 9 to 5 job, but I was
under a year contract until May 2014, and I loved my job. At the time, there
really was not much I could do, as I could not step out of my contract. Or
maybe it was more I was not bold enough to step out of my contract. Heck I was not even bold enough to contact
anyone at Respire as a felt there was not a need for me, a therapist, there. I
tried to jump back into the daily grind; however I just could never get Haiti
off my mind. I even had frequent dreams of trying to get back to Haiti – in the
dreams I had to climb a cliff to a mountain top, but each time something
happened that prevented me from reaching the top. Massive amounts of
tarantulas, a tornado, shootings, etc. all prevented me from reaching the top
of the cliff, which was Haiti, specifically Respire. In these dreams I remember
trying to get to a building that was a two –story state of the art therapy
clinic (some things in the dream are definitely not feasible here, ha!), but
each time I never could reach the destination. Each time, something prevented
me from reaching the destination…I tried to ignore the dreams and feelings of
wanting to travel to Haiti again…but….
Eventually, I found
myself back in Haiti in February 2014 for another week (it was a good thing I
never used my vacation days). This week was spent going to many other
organizations and ministries to assess the needs and opportunities for future
trips to Haiti. The entire week, I could not get my mind off the children with
special needs that I had previously encountered. But I did not think that I had
a role within Haiti. I returned home and once again thought I would just jump
back into the 9-5 job. BUT shortly after I got home from that trip I learned of
an opportunity with a rehab clinic in Haiti – they were specifically searching
for an OT….so I pursued that opportunity and began conversations with this
ministry – Haiti Medical Missions of Memphis. Within a few weeks, I had agreed
to travel to fulfill the position of a clinical instructor for an OT student
from the states who was wishing to complete a 3-month clinical in Haiti…
…and then the journey
began…
I arrived in Haiti for a
planned 5-month journey at a clinic I had never been to in a city I had never
visited. I arrived to a facility where I knew no one and many languages were
being spoken – Spanish, French, Kreyol, Italian. Overwhelmed. Fearful. Worried.
All were words to describe my emotions at that time. I quickly questioned if I
should just turn around, hop on a plane, and go back home. I was never one that
had much fear of change…I typically embraced change without second thought. But
this. This was different. A feeling I had never felt before and was not sure
how to handle. However, I jumped right in and did the best I could. Quickly, I
adjusted and all was well. Over the 5 months, I learned so many things – about
Haiti’s culture, rehabilitation in Haiti, about myself, about life. I could
write so much about the 5 months, but that will be for another time.
As the 5-month
commitment was coming to end, I was presented with another opportunity to
continue serving in Haiti. This time, I was to work with a student who would be
returning to Respire post scoliosis surgery in the state - - - Caila. As I
prayed about this opportunity, God gave me an immense amount of peace and told
me to “go”. So I committed to help with Caila’s rehabilitation for a short
period of time. Off I went. Moving to Respire was a whole new adventure. Going
from living around 3-4 people who were once strangers and non-native English
speaking, but became really good friends, to a new house, in a new city, with
MANY new people. One would think this was an amazing thing as finally I was
surrounded by many others and not just a few. One would think this would cure
any loneliness that was present. However, for me, this was not exactly true. I
jumped into a house full of truly amazing people, but a group of people who all
had strong bonds, strong friendships. It was a group that had been on this journey,
together, for a long time. Introverted me was way out of my comfort zone. Those
feelings of fear of not fitting in, not being liked poured in like raging
floodwaters. It is amazing how quickly old insecurities and fears can return
without hesitation and without warning. But since I am a bit of a loner by
nature, I adjusted okay and quickly jumped into what I was called here to do…
If anyone knows me, then
they know how much I LOVE my career…my calling in life. God gave me the
profession of OT and that alone has been an unbelievable blessing. Transitioning
to Respire allowed me to dive right into the therapy world. It was a transition
that was supposed to be just a few months to work with mainly one child and a
handful of other students. But God. He had different plans. As the weeks went
on, more and more kids continued to show up. I quickly felt the nudge to start
an actual therapy program…to start a therapy clinic. I spent much time in
prayer…trying to convince God that I was NOT the person for the job. I
constantly said “nope, not me. Don’t choose me to do this”. And He continued to
bring more and more kids (and adults) in search of therapy. I sometimes would
think “not funny God…not funny” and I continued to try to ignore the feelings
and ignore the potential of starting up an actual therapy program/clinic, but
one day…I just fell to my knees and let go of my insecurities and self-doubts
and opened my heart to what God was trying to tell me. From that point on, the
therapy program was born and I am so blessed and thankful that I finally
stepped out of my flesh and into God’s calling for me. Me letting my guard down
= God’s work through me. There is so much I want to say, but I just cannot find
the words to fully express my thoughts.
Three years later,
through many ups and downs…at times more downs than ups….God still has me
grounded here. I may never know the reason He called me to this journey over
someone who would be far better at this life. But He called me and continues to
call me to stay in Haiti. A place that was once foreign, scary at times,
lonely, and confusing, but a place that has become home with new lifelong
friends and so much joy. The hard days, the days where I sit and think, “how
much longer God?” are quickly overshadowed with an overabundance of peace and
joy. Am I the best person for this job? HECK NO!!! Do I do this right?…some
days definitely not, some days yes (maybe); but every day is a learning
experience. I may never fully understand why He called me out of all the more qualified people for this job, but I am
forever grateful for HIM and will continue to His work here in Haiti for as
long as God says.
