A Few Quick Updates

Updates…

First an update to the blog titled “Answered Prayers”. So Friday October 10th came around…so did 2:00. Two o’clock is when we were supposed to leave. We were to be in Port-au-Prince by 3:00…although it was not too far away, I knew it would take an hour at least to get there. But I also knew there was no way we would leave on time….leaving “on time” has no meaning here in Haiti. Everyone here runs on “Haiti time”…anyone who has been here before completely understands what I mean. The clinic car…the only one we have here…left around 10 that morning in an emergency to take a baby and the mom to a hospital. At 2:30, the car still had not arrived back at the clinic. As the medical director called the driver…and called again and again with no response, he finally flagged down a tap tap (public transportation) that had come onto the compound. The driver of the tap tap said he would take us for 1,000 gourdes (equivalent of ~$20)…a short tap tap ride is 5 gourdes and the most I have paid for a tap tap is 15 gourdes. So 1,000 gourds is completely outrageous. As the medical director and now the logistics coordinator argued/negotiated/discussed with the tap tap driver, the clinic car finally arrived. So we loaded up and off we went to Port-au-Prince around 2:45…remember we were supposed to be there by 3….but don’t worry the person we were meeting was also running late - “hatian time”, ha! Anyway, so we finally arrived at our destination. The person we were meeting immediately led us up a staircase to the roof….this stair case had no railing and it was pretty much just floating in the air. Not only did it not have railings but it had rebar sticking out from each step in multiple places. This is not uncommon here; however it was a little unsettling, especially after I realized that we would be carrying wheelchairs up/down these stairs. Once we reached the roof, Dawn opened up the doors to a shed and right there before our eyes was wheelchair heaven. Hundreds of wheelchairs…yes, they were literally piled on top of each other; however there were SO MANY chairs!!! Nice chairs…chairs you cannot find easily in Haiti…chairs that we now had access to….amazing.

One chair down the stairs. Too big. One chair back up the stairs. A second one down the stairs. Too small. A second one back up the stairs. A third one down the stairs. Something just wasn’t right. A third one back up the stairs. A fourth one down the stairs. Perfect. The fourth one was the best fit for him. He was comfortable in the fourth one and the fourth had a lot of options to adjust to make it just right for him. 

So we loaded up the chair into the car and we headed back to the compound. He finally had a chair and his mom finally does not have to carry him everywhere they go. All in all, it was a successful 5 hour journey. 

Second:

An update on the blog titled, “A Story About A Girl”. Progress. Connection. Love. Those are the words that first come to mind when thinking of this particular patient (I will call her DJ). DJ has made DRASTIC progress. It was brought to my attention shortly after I posted the original post that DJ’s grandma wanted to give DJ away…she was tired and exhausted and she felt that she just could not handle DJ any more. DJ’s grandma wanted ME to take her. She wanted me to take DJ and raise her as my own. Obviously, this is not an option for many reasons, but the main one being DJ has a family and she needs to stay with her family….
DJ and I have made an unbreakable connection which is good and bad. It is good because now she trusts me and she listens to me and we have a ball of fun together. It is bad because I am leaving. As I move on to the next adventures God has in store for me, I am leaving her behind. It may sound harsh, but it is the truth. I am leaving her behind and she may never know why I left her. Just last week when she came to therapy, she was 30 minutes early so her grandma was walking her past the clinic doors to head to a bench to sit outside while waiting until her appointment time. However, DJ refused to continue to walk past the door. She stopped right in the doorway. Spotted me from across the room and with a big smile on her face reached out her arm as she wanted me to come get her to work. I walked over to her and explained to her she had to wait for 30 minutes and then I would come get her…with a little struggle she complied. Two o’clock rolled around and I walked out to get DJ. She jumped up grabbed her stuff, handed it to her grandma, grabbed my hand, and walked into the clinic. She immediately sat down, took her shoes off, and waited for me to give her a direction. PROGRESS!!! CONNECTION!!!! I was so excited. But then I was overwhelmed with a feeling of sadness as it was then that I realized I would be leaving her. She was so excited to see me…and in just two short weeks, she will be left to wonder where I am. After another AMAZING session with DJ, I took her out to her grandma. I explained how well DJ did during therapy. As the grandma listened, she looked at me and with a HUGE smile on her face said that she is doing a little better at home. Then she said many times “thank you”, “thank you for coming to Haiti”, “thank you to your parents”, etc., etc., etc. It was then that I realized, grandma wasn’t as exhausted as she used to be and grandma wasn’t as defeated as she used to be. DJ’s grandma was proud of DJ…very possibly for the first time ever. And as I watched them walk away to get a moto, I realized that I would be leaving her behind, but her grandma is here to stay. LOVE!!! 
Progress. Connection. Love. 

Check back for further updates very very SOON!!!!!

Pictures

I am currently writing an update on my journey, but the meantime, please enjoy a few pictures :)!!!!

                               Smiles and laughter is always precious from this little one!!!!

                                                        And so are her loving eyes!!

                                                    Nothing like a new pair of orthotics!

                                                Always a smile on this young man's face!

                                         An unbreakable bond between a mother and a son

                                                    A new set of wheels is always good!

         Every little girl will work for money and yes, I did tie her bow around her head like a ninja, ha!

                              She is usually crying, so we had to capture this beautiful smile!!

                                               First time playing baseball...he is a natural :)

Precious face of a hard worker!

And there is always time for birthday celebrations!!!!

***all pictures shared with parent permission

A Story About a Girl

Shortly after I arrived in Haiti, a young girl came into my life. This young child showed up one day at the clinic about 3 weeks after I started working in the clinic. One day I walked into the clinic after lunch and she was standing in the middle of the room. I thought nothing of it until I heard my name being called from across the room by another therapist. This therapist “quickly” filled me in on the story about this young child. Every one thought this little girl may have Autism. All I learned at that moment was that she didn’t verbally communicate, she was extremely aggressive with hitting and biting constantly, she didn’t transition well, etc., etc., etc. I asked what she could do…but I received no answer. I also learned she had been receiving services previously; however she had stopped coming in May. When I asked why, I got this answer, “her mother and grandmother took her to get a brain scan and they were waiting for the results”. I was slightly confused on the whole situation…okay, well actually I was really confused. I did not know what “scans” she got (and no one could really tell me)…and I wondered why it would take 3 months for the results to get in….and I still do not know what the results even were. I also quickly realized that I would be the one working with her…no one else was jumping at the chance and in fact…some may have even quietly exited the clinic for a minute. (I don’t want that to paint a negative picture of my coworkers…none of them have ever worked with a child who has been diagnosed with Autism or sensory processing deficits, so she was a difficult case for them...it is not as common here as in the US). Of course, I agreed to be the one to work with her weekly. Even though I have experience in working with children on the Autism Spectrum, I knew that this would be a big challenge. I depended a lot on verbal cuing when treating children on the spectrum….I do not not speak fluent Creole, so I could no longer depend on verbal communication. But none the less, I accepted the challenge without a blink of the eye because I knew this child was special…she was a child of God after all! The first session with her began extremely well…who knew she would love “barrel o’ monkeys”?!?! Ha!!! After I had about 10 monkeys hanging from my hair (any possibly after many strands of hair went missing from my head), the aggression began! Hitting, biting, scratching, and pinching. I quickly realized she was simply looking for a response. When I did not respond with anger, she appeared slightly confused. That is when I learned that she is often HIT at home. I am not talking about a little spanking…I am talking HIT. She is hit A LOT at home. Caregiver education is the most important part of her therapy!! This little girl has learned to communicate through aggressive behavior. Problem. So she demonstrates aggressive behavior along with minimal verbal communication and some sensory processing deficits. But her facial expressions will make you laugh and it hurts and will make you instantly fall in love with her!! She is ONE OF A KIND...just as God intended her to be :)!!!!

As the weeks went on, session after session was a struggle for both of us. We had good moments and we had bad moments. (Not to mention a missed therapy session due to her falling into the toilet…bad situation). We both ended every session in a massive amount of sweat. Each and every session I tried to give direction as best as I could and she just would not follow simple directions. I tried everything. But we just were not connecting. I prayed for her and I prayed for me…I prayed for us. 
And just as I felt defeated and discouraged, something amazing happened. Last Friday another therapist was able to join me in my session…I strongly encouraged other staff members to work with the child with me so I could teach them about Autism since I will be leaving in 6 short weeks. During this session, I realized that the young girl and I had in fact made a connection. It was then that I realized how blinded I was to this connection…yes, she may not have always followed directions or completed tasks or did anything but sit under the mat table, but she saw that I was still there…I stayed with her during all these moments…I stayed with her while she hit and bit and scratched…I stayed with her and didn’t hit her or yell at her. I quickly realized how important this was…how important it is to not get wrapped up in the therapy so much that I lose sight of relationships being made. 

During this session with the other therapist, the young girl engaged with me. She followed directions, not 100%, but significantly more so than previous sessions. She would follow directions if I verbally stated them….but if the other therapist stated them she would not. I realized then just how important trust and consistency truly is. She laughed with me and she talked with me (through many babbles and nonverbal language)…she actually wouldn’t stop talking :)!!! (And I will say that she even VERBALIZED "wi" (yes), "non" (no), and "ban mwen" (give me)!!!!!!) I just sat and smiled and pretended I knew what she was saying. So there we sat laughing, talking, and playing. We had a conversation about who knows what and we both fell into contagious laughter. CONNECTION! The connection has been made…the relationship has been built. We took pictures together…just her and I. My heart was immediately happy…and my eyes filled with tears. God is SOOOO good. We still ended the session in a massive amount of sweat, but we also ended the session with laughter and only ONE attempt at hitting. I will say it again…GOD IS SO GOOD!!!! 


But as I sat there…my happiness was clouded over just a bit because I know in just 6 weeks I will be leaving. The next 6 weeks will fly by and just like that, I will be gone. So what will happen with this little girl? The other therapists are FABULOUS and completely have the ability to work with her…but for the past 2 months, I am all that she has known. I just wonder if she will feel I abandoned her or that I didn’t care. I wonder what will go through her precious little mind…will she even noticed that I am gone? All of this is exactly what I was feeling/experiencing when I left my job at Kenny Rogers and moved to Haiti. These same emotions were present in July as I said my goodbyes to “my” kiddos. The unknown...it is tough, but one thing I do know is that I truly will miss her just as I miss all my other kids!!!! 

Heartwarming Stories

Today was a day full of happiness. I will share two of the many stories from today. 

Enjoying life….

A 13 year old boy who has a diagnosis of CP (cerebral palsy) was carried into therapy by his father. (For this story we will call him John and his father papa.) John always has a smile on his face. Upon first looks, one would think he was probably around the age of 8. John is unable to stand independently or walk independently. John is able to maneuver around by rolling and somewhat crawling; however it takes a lot of energy and muscle strength for him to do so. John is able to talk; however has difficulty with articulation and voice production (so he is hard to understand at times). Johns personality always lights up the room (which is good since we have no light in the clinic right now). He can make any day into a great day. He just warms your heart and puts a smile on your face. Powerful! So as we were starting therapy, John quickly said to stop and wait. He turned to papa and said, “papa, i need to call mom. I need to tell her I am here working”. Papa laughed and politely attempted to redirect him to continue therapy; however John REALLY  wanted to call his mom. So his papa attempted to call her. No answer. His papa convinced him to get back to work. John kindly let us know that we were working on his legs and to continue with that (seriously…his words). Quickly, papa’s phone rang. It was mom. So John said a few things to her and then demanded that the translator talk to his mom. You see, John is demanding in a sweet, caring way, so the translator quickly found herself talking to his mom. John was beyond excited and full of smiles and laughter. Once John got the phone back, he very seriously stated, “ok, I need to work. Bye”. So as the session went on, I decided to assess John’s vision and see how his eyes are working. I also decided to take a couple photos and video (with papa’s permission) to use in a presentation I am currently working on. John demanded…remember in his caring, sweet way….that papa be in a photo with him. So below you can see John and papa….two people who love each other dearly and who both can brighten even the darkest days. Special people have that ability…and these two are two very special people. Nothing else mattered in the world during that hour therapy session….just a teenager enjoying the life he was given!

Hope in a Bucket….
A fews weeks ago, a mother sat on one of our mats with her head buried in her hands crying. She was crying because at that moment, she felt hopeless. She felt hopeless because her precious son is unable to independently sit, crawl, roll, talk, walk, hold his head up, etc. Her beautiful boy who is 2 years old needs a lot of help from her to complete all tasks. She loves her boy, but at that moment she felt hopeless.  She sat there wondering if her child would ever do any of the above. She sat there wondering if her child would always need her help. She sat there wondering what he would do if something were to happen to her. She just sat there wondering and crying. Through the tears she was able to say that she just hoped he would sit up one day. You see, she has no chair at home that he can sit in independently. She has always held him and carried him. She doesn’t have the luxury of a seating system or a wheel chair. What she does have though is love…love for her boy. That is evident in his bright smile every time he hears her voice. That day that she sat there in tears, we told her if she could bring a bucket, we could make him a chair. Even though she left that day still feeling hopeless, the next time she brought her son to therapy, she was very proudly carrying a bucket. She gave a little smile when she handed over the bucket. That little smile was a little sign of hope. 

Silvana and I began working on the chair on a Saturday just two days after she brought the bucket. We just knew we had to get this chair done quickly. However, quickly is used lightly as we still had a full schedule of patients to see, so we did work while we could. A little here and there. As the next couple of weeks went by I watched the mom during therapy. I watched her look at the other children. I watched her look at the little boy giggling as he ran away from the therapist. I watched her witness a 5 month old baby sitting almost independently with perfect posture. I watched her look at a little girl take her first steps unassisted. I watched her as she looked at a child running to his mom telling her he loved her. I just watched her. What was she thinking in those moments? That I do not know and I will never know. What I do know is that after each of those moments, I watched her look at her boy with a huge smile on her face. Pure love. 

So today, she brought him into therapy with no smile, but no frown, just a flat affect. She kindly said, “Bonswa Ashley” (hello) and handed me his appointment paper. I asked her to move a couple mats down and while she was gathering her items to move, I quietly walked to other side of the room and grabbed his FINISHED chair. I sat the chair down next to her and she immediately looked up at me and said “Mesi, mesi, mesi” (thank you, thank you, thank you), but still had no smile. Then we put her boy in the chair and adjusted a few minor things. Then there he was in his chair sitting by himself. In that moment as we watched his mom look at her boy, I saw her face fill with hope and then there was that smile. The beautiful smile that she holds in so quietly sometimes was out to shine at that moment. The look in her eyes was priceless as she looked at her boy. The moment was just between her and him and that moment was priceless. So priceless that even a camera could not have captured the beauty and no words can describe it. But it will forever be embedded in my heart. We were all left a little speechless because we had all witnessed the same moment. The mom was so appreciative and could not stop thanking us  Is the chair perfect? No. But did this chair bring some hope along with some relief? Yes. That I would not trade with perfection any day of the week. After a few pictures (per moms request), off they went on a moto…mom, son, and his chair….

Below is a picture of all of us…. 

(sidenote: his head is better positioned than what the picture indicates….)

***All stories and pictures shared with parent permission

Answered Prayers

Sometimes just as you are feeling defeated, feeling hopeless, God proves otherwise. We have a young 12 year boy who has severe scoliosis. He is growing. He is getting heavier. His scoliosis is getting worse. He is unable to sit, unable to walk, unable to talk, unable to move most extremities. His breathing is becoming more difficult. His mom has to carry him everywhere. His mom is amazing. His mom is full of nothing but love for him. His mom is worried. She is worried that she will soon not be able to carry him for much longer. At the same time, he is happy and she is happy. The love these two have for each other is illustrated every time they come into the clinic. The smiles they share are priceless and heartwarming. 

But one thing still remains……

He needs a wheelchair. He desperately needs a chair where he can sit and engage in his environment. He needs a chair so he can sit instead of lay all day long. He needs a chair so he can breath easier. He needs a chair so he can enjoy life even more than he already does. He needs a chair to relieve a little stress from his mom. He just simply needs a chair. 

Below is a chair we have that we could adapt for him…

Could we adapt it to better fit his needs? YES. Would it be the most functional? NO. Will it be the best option for him? NO. Will it be done quickly? NO. But what are we to do with limited resources? One thing that is certain is that we pray and we pray. We ask others for help. We do not lose hope.

Well friends…prayers work and this story proves this fact. 

Many nights were spent contacting organizations within Haiti as well as stateside organizations. After many sleepless nights and hitting every road block possible (many organizations have either never given chairs to Haiti or have stopped distributing chairs to Haiti for one reason or another), I was slowly beginning to think that we were in for the challenge of adapting the chair in the above picture. But something in me continued to say wait…so I told the other therapists, “give me another week” (and I may have said that more than once…..). After a few good friends stopped by before leaving Haiti, prayers were answered. Becky Harding, also known as “the connector”, happened to have contact information for an organization who distributes wheelchairs all over the world. And YES, they still distribute chairs to Haiti. Side note: Becky met someone involved in this organization at the airport two years ago (I think she said 2 years…I could have it wrong?). It just goes to show how important any and ALL encounters can be. So after Becky sent me the contact info, I looked at the organization’s website. I found that they will be doing a distribution of chairs in Haiti….but not until January. My first thought, “he needs a chair before January”. I emailed the contact person and then checked my email MULTIPLE times afterwards that night. The power finally went out so I was able to get some rest…no power = no WiFi = no checking email…the one time I was a little happy the power went out, ha! 

The next day, I checked my email as soon as the generator was turned on. No reply. So off to work I went. Checked my email at lunch. No reply. Checked my email after work. Still no reply. (I am typically a fairly patient person….but I was not patient at all this time). Checked my email after dinner. A REPLY!!!!! Long story short…the person who replied sent my email to those who stay in country and said that they MAY be able to get a chair prior to January, but no guarantee and then stated that someone should be contacting me soon. So I waited again. But this time, I didn’t have to wait long. Once morning arose, I had an email waiting for me in my inbox. I clicked on it…and there it was…they HAVE A CHAIR!!!! So this week, on Friday, after 6 weeks of waiting, I will be heading with the mom and the child to Port-au-Prince to get him fitted for a wheelchair. Please, please, please pray that all the logistics work out on both ends and that we can get safely to Port-au-Prince. Pray that no delays in the process occur. And please check out the organization that is DONATING a chair to this family. Joni and Friends at www.joniandfriends.org. Under the tab “Our Ministries” click on “Wheels around the World” and you can learn about what they do. It is an awesome organization that definitely keeps Christ in the forefront. Nothing is impossible through God!!!! 

Below are a few pictures of him (with moms permission)….I wish these pictures captured his personality because he is truly an amazing young man!  

Fundraiser for HMMoM

This weekend is the annual fundraiser for Haiti Medical Missions of Memphis. Annually, they hold a 24-hour run - Tour d'Esprit. Each year they ask a volunteer to write a tidbit about his/her time in Haiti to put in the program for the event. That means, this year, it is me as I am currently the only volunteer from the U.S. So I decided to post what I wrote as I know many people are obviously not attending the 24 hour event. Again, I had a hard time finding the right words to type to capture the life and work here, but I was able to write something. I am honestly not sure if HMMoM ended up using all that I wrote or just took bits and pieces of it to put in to the program. Read below.

A day in the life at the clinic…
It is 8am. The door opens and the patients start coming in. Some have been waiting for an hour others are just arriving. Appointment cards are gathered, charts are pulled, classes begin, and one-on-one therapy starts. As the morning continues on, 4 patients arrive for therapy per hour. Five to twenty more patients are seen for class. The therapists see smiles and they see tears. Another patient with high blood pressure on the verge of a stroke or a patient who still cannot produce a movement in the leg or arm. Each and every patient with a story and with a goal. It is now twelve…time for lunch. Oh, but wait, documentation is a must and a few adjustments on a piece of equipment must be completed. Lunch can wait a little while. It is now one o’clock. Time for more patients to come and more therapy to be completed. More exercises, more problem solving, more measurements are taken for another wheelchair, more function to be gained. It is now 3 o’clock and the last of the ten patients seen in the afternoon leaves as goodbyes are said. Time for more documentation and cleaning up from the day…..

From a volunteer’s perspective…
As I look out the window of the clinic, I see patients arriving for therapy. One of the other. Some are walking, others are on motos. Some walk into the clinic independently, some with a cane or a walker, and others are carried in by a caregiver. Often times as I look out, I see frowns and struggle. But those frowns and struggles are quickly turned into smiles and hope as the patient crosses the threshold into the clinic. The struggles, the tears, the pain, the fear intertwines with the laughter, the strength, and the progress that occurs within the four walls of the clinic. The patients may present with dark eyes rested upon worn faces, but their smiles are beaming and their spirits are bright. They fill the clinic with a sense of pure joy and happiness on a daily basis.

Hope. Joy. Relief. Fun. Each of these is a common theme daily. Hope that one day, function will be restored and work can resume. Joy comes as each milestone is reached. Relief arrives as a caregiver learns he does not have to carry his loved one again. Fun happens as therapy activities are completed.  

The facts…
The rehabilitation clinic continues to service individuals from Croix-des Bouquets as well as surrounding areas. The clinic provides therapy services to adult and pediatric patients of varying diagnoses including, stroke, arthritis, orthopedic issues, developmental delays, cerebral palsy, seizure disorders, etc. Overall, since May 2014 slightly over 120 patients have received therapy and countless have attended classes. Currently, on a daily basis 20-30 patients are provided one-on-one therapy during 60 minute sessions. In addition to one-on-one therapy sessions, 4 days a week various classes are offered to the adult patients and anywhere from 5-30 patients attend each class. These classes include stroke class, blood pressure class, arthritis class, exercise class, weight loss class, and back pain class. One day a week, a class on child development is offered to mothers of babies 0-12 months old followed by a quick evaluation of each child to assure proper development. Furthermore, the clinic now has an amazing workshop that allows the therapists room to adapt wheelchairs, make seating systems for kids to sit independently, and make adjustments to orthortics, among many other things. Not only is therapy completed and equipment developed within the clinic, but education plays a big role and not just for the patients. The clinic is a site for rehabilitation technician students from a university in Haiti to complete clinical rotations. Additionally, there is currently an occupational therapy student from the United States completely a three month clinical. Spreading the skills and the sustainability to future rehabilitation workers. 

Only 3 Months Left....

I have been horrible at updating my blog. I apologize. I promised I would keep the updates coming, but it is truly hard to find the rigt words to say. Every time I sit down to write…I find myself quickly defeated. I start a sentence. Then I erase that sentence. I start another. Then erase that one too. On and on this goes. Then eventually I give up. There have been many experiences that I could share. But written words would not do them justice. Written words just are not enough sometimes. Or at least my written words. My written words do not always capture the whole picture so pieces are left out. Missing pieces are never good. And then there are those experiences that I selfishly want for myself. Just for me to laugh over or to cry over. Just for me. Again, it may be a little selfish, but I want some things from this journey to be just for me. 

But I will do my best to provide an update. Some of this may be a repeat. 

Clinic life…
It’s tough here though. It is tough to watch yet another mother have to carry her son/daughter because there are no wheelchairs. It is tough to hear that a child lays on the ground or in a bed all day and night because he is unable to sit independently and there are no available seating systems. It is tough to see another malnourished child. It is tough to watch a mom break down in tears out of fear that her son will never lift his head or sit up or walk. It is tough to see sadness on a women’s face after a stroke. It is tough to listen as another adult tells about how she can no longer work because of her stroke. It is tough. There is limited equipment. There are limited supplies. And this clinic has A LOT for being in Haiti. But I cannot help but to flash back to my old job. I picture all the equipment we had available for children to try out and use on a loaner basis…and I think about how much access we have to equipment in the US. It is hard to know that just 2 hours away there is a world that has everything. Just 2 hours.  

At the same time, nothing is better than seeing a smile on a face of someone who received orthotics that were adapted from a donated pair. Are they the best? No. The most functional? No. But helpful? Yes. Appreciated? Yes. Nothing is better to see a smile on a women’s face when she moved her arm for the first time after a stroke. Nothing is better than hearing endless laughter out of a little girls mouth after weeks of screaming and crying. Nothing is better than witnessing milestones being achieved. And nothing is better than the smiles and the hugs and the laughter and the friendships. 

Life outside of the clinic….
So what do I do when I am not in the clinic?
Well….after work a few us enjoy a good work out (although we have MISSED many workouts). Most of the time we do Insanity….which is definitely hard to do in this heat as we workout outside. Occasionally we enjoy a short moto ride to the Epidor where we indulge in a “snack” before dinner….and last time we had the pleasure of watching Tarzan. Yes, it was being shown on the TV there…it was in french, but who doesn’t love Tarzan in any language. Sometimes we walk to a small market and other times we enjoy a snack from a street vendor (don’t worry the food doesn’t make us sick). We have dinner around 7 and then we just hang out outside (inside is too hot) and enjoy each others company (there are 3 of us volunteers living on the compound). We talk and we do work for the next day. We sometimes play cards and other times we sit in silence. 
On the weekends, MariaElena and I typically venture out. MariaElena is another volunteer who has been here for 7 months….she is my interpreter, my tour guide, and most importantly a good friend. We occasionally go to the Chileans house (a group of volunteers from America Solidaria). But we usually explore Haiti via moto rides and tap taps. We meet people. We get to know the culture. We enjoy the Haiti life.

It is still hot…although the nights are getting cooler. I tend to get a little cold if it drops below 80. Sometimes we don’t have power. Sometimes we don’t have internet. Occasionally we don’t have running water. But there is no place I would rather be right now….I enjoy the slower life. I enjoy the new friends. I enjoy the culture. I enjoy the people. I love Haiti! 

Starting to find my place....

Written August 31st

I have sat down many times to write an update. But all those times I draw a blank. I just cannot seem to find the words to express the past month. Yes, a month has already gone by…actually it flew past as if I went to bed one night and woke up a month later. One month past means I have 3.5 months left of my stay in Haiti. So now that I am sitting here sweating at 10:30 at night, I thought it would be a good time to write an update. It is hot…like it is back home…but here there is no air conditioning and sometimes no fans (but really the fans only blow the hot air at you faster, ha!)…I am literally dripping in sweat and all I am doing is sitting on the internet listening to some awesome music. Nothing that typically results in perspiration. But that is life here and I truly wouldn’t have it any other way. I will enjoy every drop of sweat if that means I am still in Haiti….

I am loving working with adults! Something I never thought was possible - me working with adult patients. But I will be the first to admit that they are just as much fun as the kiddos….although I still really look forward to treating the kids…and the kiddos will always be my favorite! I do not really know how to sum up the past few weeks at the clinic.

Things that have not been the easiest….watching a mom hit their child - it just isn’t right and that will never get easier to witness and it is extremely frustrating that I do not know the Kreyol words to say to explain to the mom that hitting your kid is not okay. It will also never get easier to see a child bringing a child to therapy…and then watching the two children sit for hours waiting to be picked up only to end up having to walk a long walk home (not to mention that the child has to carry the other child). It never gets easier to see a patient cry tears of frustration and lost hope….and all I can do is communicate through touch and a few words that they may or may not understand. It never gets easier to see a child or an adult who desperately needs a wheelchair when none are available. Or to see a child who needs surgery when you know surgery isn’t possible for one reason or another. It simply just does not get easier….

What does get easier? The relationships. Even with the differences in languages, the relationship building is easier. Communication does not always occur in spoken words. You can still love people without talking and people can still love you. The patients now know me (well at least most of them) and we are able to laugh (and sometimes cry) together without ever speaking a word. The people in the community now recognize me and speak to me as I walk by or ride by on a moto. If they come into the medical clinic, they are the first to say “bonjou, koman ou ye? “ (“hello, how are you”) with a big smile on their face. The kids know run up to me to greet me instead of looking at me from a distance yelling “blan”.  Another thing that has gotten easier, is treating with minimal equipment. The clinic has a ton of equipment in comparison to most places in Haiti, but it still has a lot less than what I am accustomed to. But treating patients has become easier and I am blessed to be getting my creativity back. Some patients are harder than others and there are times that I feel like I get in a mode of doing the same thing over and over again…but I think that happens everywhere at times. 

As I am enjoying the clinic and getting more comfortable with the adult patients, I still ask the question “what is God’s plan for me here?” What does this clinic need from me? What does Haiti need from me? What does this community need from me? All of these questions are left unanswered, but I truly believe that I am not supposed to know the answers to these questions yet. In HIS time, the answers will come. In HIS time. I just have to be patient and I just have to listen. One thing I do know that it true…I love Haiti more and more as each day passes by…..

Searching for God's Plan...

Originally written 08/10/14

Okay, I now have a little time to provide a more detailed update.
Week one summary:
The therapy clinic set up is organized. There are 4-5 patients scheduled per hour (one patient per therapist) and 1-2 class a day that have varying numbers of attendees. The classes include back class, stroke class, weight loss class, exercise class, and arthritis class. Luckily these classes are not strictly educational as I cannot speak fluent Creole...rather they are active classes to teach proper exercises, body mechanics, etc. I am definitely out of my element with treating adults...I find it fun; however it is a true struggle. Shifting mindsets in treatment has been hard. Wednesdays are strictly for pediatric patients (some kids are seen on the other days as well). The kiddos I have seen so far have been pretty low functioning...a lot of kiddos who cannot yet sit, hold their heads up, talk, crawl, walk, etc. On occasion I do find myself struggling to provide the best therapy...partially because I am used an environment that has EVERYTHING and now I am in an environment that has little (but a lot for being in Haiti!!). I have quickly realized how dependent I was on equipment to do therapy rather than simply using my hands and my brain. The state of the art equipment is awesome, fun to work with, and can produce things that my hands cannot; however using my hands to facilitate movements and function is far greater here than most equipment. With my hands, I can teach the parents (or caregivers...or siblings...or neighbors) exactly what to do with their hands at home. There is no access to any kind of equipment for in home use for the families (with the exception of some walkers, wheelchairs, and homemade sitting devices...and some donated orthotics...and some access to make splints [like I said...A LOT for Haiti]). Due to malnutrition and just a lack of education, many babies and young kids are way behind developmentally so teaching the families things to do at home is vital. I had always said that I would never become dependent on equipment, toys, and other materialistic items...I guess I just didn't realize that I was already somewhat dependent on such things. And it is definitely harder to provide the best therapy when there is a communication barrier...I am impressed with how well the patients are at "charades"! I am sure I give them all a good laugh!!

Luckily, through my broken Creole and my seemingly lost therapy skills, the patient's and the other therapists have been extremely patient with me. The patients we see are amazing and I continue to see difference among the Haitian culture versus the American culture...
The patients, regardless if they are medical, dental, or therapy patients will wait patiently for their turn to be seen. Some will sit all day (literally) just to be told the clinic is closing and to come back the next day even if they had a scheduled appointment (sometimes emergencies or situations arise causing schedules to get behind)....just imagine if this happened to us in the US...if we waited ALL day with a schedule appointment, then we were not seen and told to come back the next day - we would most likely be very angry and most likely put a post on Facebook telling everyone about our experience and to never go to that office. But here...the patient kindly gets up, says thank, and then comes back the next day...often with a smile on their face. Yes, sometimes you can see the disappointment; however they never get angry (that I have seen yet anyway).

The patients we see are ALWAYS thankful and never forget to tell us how much they appreciate us...regardless if they had to wait or if they were only seen for 1/2 their scheduled time or if attention was taken off of them for a minute because someone else needed help. The patients typically come in with a smile on their faces even if it is a forced smile. But you can see the struggle in many faces. Some you can see sadness. Others you can see lost hope. Through the smile, if you look into their eyes, you can see the struggle (just imagine having a disability in a country like Haiti...it's tough on the patients and families). I often find myself thinking, "I really wish I could speak Creole...I know he/she has a story to tell". A story of struggle intertwined with joy and happiness....a story that deserves to be heard.

The pace of life here is also much different. It is slower...more focused on relationship with others than a "to do" list. An appreciated, but hard change of pace. I am the type of person who prefers to be busy than sit around. I love making "to do" lists and love checking things off even more. I like to be on-the-go, all the time. But I have been trying to slow down and enjoy the precious undeserving life that God gave to me.

All in all, I am still trying to find my place in the clinic....and still trying to figure out God's plan for me here!


***footnote/prayer request - I now have over 20 mosquitos bites....even though I have been applying DEET like crazy (which is really bad for me!)....prayers that Chikungunya doesn't strike and if it does that I get through it quickly!

QUICK Update...

Sorry for the delay in updates...having issues with internet and currently have very limited access. I safely arrived in Haiti on Saturday morning with no complications and all luggage in tow. I spent Saturday unpacking and getting somewhat settled. Sunday we joined a group of 25ish Italians and headed to a beach relatively close to here. Of course it was beautiful and it was a wonderful "welcoming" to Haiti. Started in the therapy clinic on Monday morning. The language barrier is occasionally tough; however there are a few therapists that do speak English and are able to translate for me when needed (evaluations are difficulty the hardest). Working with the adult population is tough...there is a lot of treatment strategies that I need to revisit....praying that my ability to effectively treat this population improves drastically. Thankfully ALL the patients are extremely patient with me and very kind in my lack of expertise. Tomorrow is pediatric day so I am really looking forward to clinic...hopefully I can finally be successful within treatment sessions.

Unfortunately, this is only a quick update as I want to get it posted before internet goes out again....

I will be posting more info SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Plan!!

I finally have a moment to sit down and provide a quick update. I will be flying to Miami on August 1st, then I will be off to Haiti early morning August 2nd. Once in Haiti, I will be heading to Croix-des Bouquets to begin working at the Saint Charles Rehabilitation Center. I will have the pleasure of working with both adult and pediatric patients with various diagnoses including failure-to-thrive (malnourishment), strokes, birth injuries/defects, orthopedic issues, etc. In addition to seeing these patients, I will also be involved in wheelchair adaptations and adaptive equipment. Then, in September an occupational therapy student from New York will be traveling to Croix-des Bouquets to complete her 3 month clinical rotation. I will serve as her clinical instructor for the duration of her clinical. In addition, I hope to be able to visit a few other ministries/organizations while in Haiti (financials pending).

As for the present time, I am currently living with a good friend/coworker. She has been gracious enough to open her doors to me and my craziness. I am still working; however my last day is July 3rd. I will be heading to visit with family and friends during my remaining time in the states. 

Looking forward to seeing what God has in store!

An Unexpected Calling

It’s official…I will be going to Haiti!!! I have chosen to leave a job that I absolutely love with all my heart to follow God’s calling. And yes, that calling is to Haiti.  

So why in world would I want to leave the comfort of a stable job, a stable income, a stable home, and many, many other comforts? Why leave a definite future for an unknown future? Why leave family and friends to live amongst strangers? And questions could go on and on…I am not exactly sure how to answer all the questions that have been asked and that will continue to be asked. I will begin by posting what I wrote after my first trip to Haiti in May 2013. Hopefully, this will paint a picture of how I came to love a country that is not far away from the US…a country that is beautiful…a country that is struggling with poverty…a country that stole my heart.

As I returned from this trip; many people asked “How was your trip?”…but I struggled with quickly answering this question. Do I say “good”? Well it really wasn’t “good”, but it wasn’t bad…it is just something that needed to be explained, but I knew people didn’t want to stand around for hours listening to me talk. And anyone who knows me knows that I am not a “talker”. Rather I am an observer, an analyzer, a deep thinker…not a talker. So I decided to write up a “little” tidbit shortly after we returned to the states. Some of you may have read this already…most others have not. I do apologize ahead of time for the length…but I strongly encourage you to read fully.

Originally written June 2^nd, 2013

Finding Peace on Top of Bellevue Mountain

As I stood on top of the mountain looking out at the breathtaking view surrounding me, I was hit by a feeling I had never felt before. I was overcome with the feeling of peace. True peace. Over the past year, I have been on a roller coaster of emotions as I was searching for healing from my past and as I was faced with many tough decisions about my future. Would I stay in Southeast Missouri or would I leave to pursue other opportunities? As the months went on, God showed and told me many times that it was not time to leave. Even though I was angry, truly angry, by this because I did not want to stay, I knew I had to follow God’s guidance, which I have failed to do so many times before. And I was led to verbally agree to stay at my job another year. I soon was given the opportunity to go on a trip to Haiti. After much prayer, I made the decision to join the 13 others on this trip. I boarded the plane still unsure of what God’s plans were for me on this trip and even more unsure of the plans God has for me over this coming year. It was not until the moment, three days into the trip, while standing on the top of Bellevue Mountain in Gressier, Haiti that I truly found peace. I felt the Holy Spirit move through me as all the past anger and bitterness was swept away like a lifeless vessel in a raging sea. The end result – PEACE.  All of a sudden, the need to know answers to the “why” questions was no longer existent. I realized that I did not have to know all the answers and I will never understand why things happen on this side of heaven. But God knows why as everything is part of His good plan. One day I will SEE why and I will KNOW why. A weight had been lifted and life began moving. At that moment I knew, I was right where I was supposed to be. God’s timing is perfect!  As I continue to be in the unknown of the future, God knows and, in HIS time, he will show me the plans. My job is to listen, trust, and obey without question! It may have taken a trip to Haiti with 13 strangers, but I was brought to Haiti for this to be embedded in my heart…among many other reasons… I finally tore my walls down and fully opened my heart to God.

As I traveled to Haiti with 13 others, most of whom I did not know, I had no idea what to expect. Yes, I did know about the poverty in Haiti. Yes, I did know about the corrupt government in Haiti. Yes, I did know that food, amenities, and houses were a rarity in Haiti. And yes, I did know that there were many orphans in Haiti. But seeing all of this firsthand quickly changed my perspective and my life forever. Upon first glance, it appears the beauty of the country is hidden behind piles upon piles of trash. Then you get to know the people, see how they live, and soon realize the true beauty of this country lies within the people. And your entire perspective changes.

It is easy to ignore the statistics when you do not know the people and have not looked into their eyes. But once you look into those eyes, the statistics quickly become a jumbled mess printed on paper. You are changed, I am changed, and turning your back, my back, is no longer an option. Just knowing the facts about a country is not enough. This country is our neighbor. It is a short 2 hours from the US. In TWO HOURS, you can see a country with no food, water, houses, free education, jobs, etc. In TWO HOURS, you can see children who are forced to work hours upon hours each and every day with no food, water, or a safe shelter in return. In TWO HOURS, you can see a parent searching endlessly for a job so maybe, just maybe he could feed his family a meal. In TWO HOURS, you can see children of all ages walking around alone searching for anywhere to go and for something to do. In TWO HOURS, you can see endless amounts of child slaves, abused and broken. In TWO HOURS, you can see a child with no toys or games to play with or a bed to sleep in. In TWO HOURS, you can see a child that has never heard the words “I love you”. In TWO HOURS you can see eyes screaming for help. In just TWO HOURS from our safe world where we have endless amounts of stuff…stuff that we do not need…stuff that buries our souls…stuff that brings nothing but envy, greed, sadness, there is a country that has nothing, but, in reality, has so much more than any one of us in the United States.

During my week visit, I had many opportunities to just listen to the sounds and watch the people around me. I heard the goats, roosters, and chickens. I heard children laughing and people singing. I saw children running, jumping, smiling, and playing. I saw joy. I saw happiness. I saw excitement. I saw siblings care for each other like I have never seen before. I saw people helping each other with anything and everything they could. I saw strong, loving relationships among neighbors. And I heard praises to God. All of these sights and sounds struck a cord deep within my heart. The sights and sounds of Haiti placed hope in my heart. The sights and sounds all around changed my perspective on the American way of life. Why do we, as a culture, try to give our children more and more materialistic items? Why do we, as a culture, try to live beyond our means just to match our neighbors? Why do we work and work to buy the newest and greatest toys and games or to go on the grandest vacations? Why?  We have stuff to excess and we cannot answer the simple question, why. As I continued to listen to the sounds and view the sights, the joy I was surrounded by was to the extreme and was nothing short of heartwarming. These people were in indescribable poverty, but they were joyful and happy. They did not focus on all the “stuff’ we do, rather they spent time developing relationships within their communities and more importantly they spent time developing their relationships with Jesus. So who really is in the state of poverty? Just maybe, if we as a culture taught our children how to love one another and how to love Jesus with the intensity that some of the Haitians do, then just maybe, we would experience the same joy and happiness! Why do we fervently seek instant satisfaction that only lasts a short while? Why don’t we turn our focus and strive for eternal satisfaction that will last forever?

The kids arrived for school and I could not help but to notice their shoes. Some were mismatched, some were too big, some were too small, some had holes, and some were nearly nonexistent. I looked down at my own shoes as I remembered packing my “old” shoes, but mine appeared brand new compared to the kids’ shoes and soon keeping my shoes clean did not seem to matter. As the school days went on, we learned more about some of the kids, I was heartbroken to hear of their lives, either current or past. Most of the children we encountered were child slaves who have had their childhoods ripped from them. Child slaves who had nothing but the clothes on their backs. Child slaves who did not have games, toys, bikes, etc. These same children displayed beaming smiles and deafening giggles that you could hear a mile away. These same children were the ones walking mile after mile to attend school, not because they had to, but because they wanted to. These same children were the ones trying to give us something and wanted nothing in return. These same children were the ones that taught me of God’s power of healing and redemption. God will heal us from our past. Even through hurt and pain, God will heal us and transformation will come. I saw it in those children’s eyes and I heard it in those tiny little voices. 

We also participated in two feeding programs. As I watched the massive amount of kids walking for miles, for hours to receive food, I was immediately heartbroken. I could have never imagined how many kids would show up to these feeding programs. And I could count the number of adults on one hand. Where are all the adults? At the first feeding program, God placed a young child in my arms that changed my life. This little girl who could not have been much more than a year old placed a burden in my heart like I have never felt before. She fell asleep in my arms as the other kids where participating in a few activities. As I had to wake her up to set her back down when we left, I was left in tears, with a broken heart. I can still see those eyes that watched intently as I turned my back and walked away. The eyes of a child who was starving. The eyes that screamed of desperation and pain. The eyes that were asking for help. Those beautiful, precious eyes will be with me forever. Forever embedded in my memory. Forever embedded in my heart. The second feeding program brought just as many kids and even less adults. As I looked around, I saw selflessness. I saw a young girl extremely worried that her little sister was not going to get any food because she fell asleep. I saw a young boy fill a bowl with food to take home before taking a bite himself. I saw a young child offer their food to another even though he was starving as well. Selflessness in such small bodies! Conviction! Food is something I take for granted day in and day out. Something I have never had to worry about not having. Something that is in excess and wasted on a daily basis in the US.

The church service we attended was full of celebration. CELEBRATION!! Yes, the music was off beat and out of tune, but it didn’t matter, the people were celebrating their love for Jesus Christ. The singing was loud, the praise was loud, and the shouting was loud. The people within the church walls displayed true, authentic faith despite their daily struggles that I could never imagine living through.  This is what true faith looks like! I witnessed many people deep in prayer and I found myself wondering what they were praying for. I will never know what they prayed for that day, but I do know that they sought prayer with deep faith in the Lord.  Yes, those in Haiti may be in “poverty” if we consider poverty as a lack of financial and materialistic stability…but if we consider poverty as a lack of faith in God and love for Jesus and one another, then maybe some in Haiti are not in poverty at all….

We live in a world where we place people on a pedestal and then attempt to live by comparing ourselves to those people. The end result = discouragement, self-hatred, disappointment, unworthiness, etc, etc, etc…I could go on and on, but most of all, it leads to unhappiness and a life full of everything but joy, happiness, and satisfaction. Why do we do this? I cannot answer that question. Maybe our focus should be placed on loving our neighbors and loving ourselves. Maybe we should focus a little more on strengthening our relationship with God and loving Christ with everything we have. Then maybe, just maybe, we will experience a life full of joy and happiness rather than a life of continuous defeat and discouragement. 

Once we left Gressier, to make the four hour journey to Cazale, I felt a little sad because this meant we were one step closer to leaving. As we sat on the bus, I just looked out the window and soaked everything in…all the sights and sounds. As we made our way up the mountain, I had no idea what we were about to encounter at Real Hope for Haiti. The stories that were spoken struck a cord deep in my heart. As we entered a room where, lying on a table was a lifeless shell of a precious baby wrapped in a blanket from head to toe. I honestly have no clue what this room was for or what was said. My eyes and heart were set on this precious little baby that went to heaven just a few short hours before our arrival. As tears were cemented in my eyes, we turned around and left the room. At that point, I was fearful that these tears would be embedded in me forever…maybe not a staple in my eyes, but a staple upon my heart. We headed to the Rescue Center next. So many children of all ages! My heart melted as I wanted to hug each and every one of them…but I maintained a boundary as I did not want to scare them by being the “crazy blan” running towards them. We then headed to the ICU…again, so many children…so many babies. So much sickness…so much sadness.

I headed back to the Rescue Center to see a few kids that needed attention from a therapist. As I stepped into the Rescue Center, I took a deep breath and dove right in. While “working”, I somehow managed to block out all emotions and put blinders onto the reality of all situations. But as I took the last child back down the stairs to the nannies, I found myself stuck. After I handed her to the nanny, I just stood in the middle of the room. All I could do was look around. I could not move my feet. I just stood there as tears filled my eyes. I did not want to move, I did not want to leave. I looked at all the precious children lying on the floor. I looked at the scripture painted on the wall – Matthew 19:14. I looked at all the smiles on the kid’s faces. I looked at the child stuck in a crib that was way too small for her. I looked at the kid’s with obvious special needs that lay on the floor unable to sit up or move around. I looked at the lack of toys. I just stood and looked around…I felt sad, I felt selfish, I felt discouraged, I felt many things. (And yes, I probably became that “crazy blan” in that exact moment.) But as I stood there, I also felt God’s presence. I felt God place his arms around me as if he was telling me that everything was going to be okay. I then felt hope. Hope for all the children. Hope for the nannies and the workers. Hope for the ministry of Real Hope. Just hope. It was then that many truths of God’s mercy and grace came into full reality. The truth that one day all mouths will be fed. The truth that one day all sickness will be healed. The truth that one day all orphan beds will be empty. The truth that one day all frowns and tears will be replaced with smiles and laughter. The truth that one day all will receive true, unconditional love. The truth that one day all suffering will end and all things will become new. The truth that one day every child of God will have a safe place to call home. Eventually I, somehow, finally got the courage to move one foot in front of the other and headed back up the stairs to gather my stuff and head back to the group. As we pulled away from Real Hope, I fell into prayer…that is all I could do. A prayer for God to continue to protect the kids and this ministry….

I was sad to leave Haiti. It was hard to turn my back on Haiti. It was hard to head back to the US…back to my selfish life…back to what is my “reality”…back to my comfort zone where I feel stuck…back to going through the motions…back to the “to do” lists and the deadlines…just back to “home”. But while in Haiti, God gave me peace all while placing a burden upon my heart. I do not know what the future will hold, but the one thing I am confident about is that God is at work in Haiti!

Proverbs 31:8 – “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute.”

John 14:18 – “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.”

Matthew 19:14 – “Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.’”

1 Samuel 16:7 – “…the Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

Psalm 33:20-22 – “We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O lord, even as we put our hope in you.”

1 Peter 5:10 – “And God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.”

Isaiah 66:14 – “When you see this, your heart will rejoice and you will flourish like grass; the hand of the Lord will be made known to his servants, but his fury will be shown to his foes.”

1 John 4:19 – “We love because he first loved us.”

....Stayed tuned for further information on my upcoming trip to Haiti....