Five years.
Five months has turned into five years.
Five years of living in Haiti.
Five years of climbing more mountains and entering more valleys than one can count.
Five years of diving into darkness, while witnessing the greatest light.
Five years of being exposed to the deepest heartache and pain imaginable.
Five years of experiencing the truest, most unimaginable joy and happiness.
Five years of digging further into my faith than I ever thought possible.
Five years.
I started this blog awhile back as I was determined to post on (or closer to) August 2nd, the actual day I moved to Haiti in 2014; however, the words would not come. I wrote the above and then stopped. I returned to it many times never editing it or adding a word. I suppose I found myself at a loss for words when attempting to express my thoughts and feelings regarding the past five years. Five years is not a long time in retrospect, but in many ways, it has felt like a lifetime. I feel my attempt at summing up the past five years will be inadequate and subpar. Nonetheless, here it is…
Five years ago, I traveled to a city I had never visited in a foreign country I had only been to twice before. My initial “move” to Haiti was to be for 5 months. Only 5 months. At the time, I thought I was a little crazy as I was stepping out of a job that I loved and heading to a place that I had no clue if I would love or adapt to or thrive in. It was a random clinic in a random city in a different country. At the time, I had a peace that I could not explain. That peace was also mixed with slight hesitation (or maybe lots of hesitation). I just simply jumped off the ledge and dove into the unknown. My role at this clinic was ultimately to serve as a clinical instructor for an occupational therapy student from the states. However, God had extremely different plans for me and Haiti. Kwadebouke was good to me and for me, but not where God wanted to plant me long term.
In January 2015, just three weeks after completing my 5-month commitment in Kwadebouke, I moved to Gressier jumping on board with the team at Respire Haiti. Initially the plan was for me to work with Caila (refer to previous blog posts about her and her journey) and a handful of students at Respire Haiti Christian School. I arrived on a Sunday and started evaluating kids the next the day. Just 3 weeks after my arrival, Caila and I were off to the states for what ended up being 8 full weeks. I could write a book about those 8 weeks, but the cliff note version = God is true to His promises and never failing and I had to pull closer to Jesus than during those 8 weeks than ever before.
After our return in April 2015, I was given a list of kids who had shown up at the clinic in search for therapy services. And then it began. The therapy program was born. I would say that slowly it was built one patient at a time, but that would paint a very unrealistic picture. Very quickly, I realized the high demand for therapy services in Gressier and nearby communities, especially services for children. Quickly, I found myself with 40-50+ patients and a sense of being extremely overwhelmed with a mix of a high amount of self-doubt as more and more people came seeking services. I would think to myself, “what in the world am I doing…I don’t know how to do this”. But there I sat, with all these patients with more coming, knowing I needed to do something. After a couple of months of attempting to manage it all myself and attempts to of convincing myself that I could not start nor run a clinic, the first national staff member was hired. A rehabilitation technician who I had the pleasure of assisting with her clinical education while I was at the clinic in Kwadebouke. I knew she had yet to receive a paying job after she had graduated so I contacted her to come work for Respire. A few months later, I was able to hire a national physical therapist. They were a small, but mighty crew. These two no longer work for Respire, but they were definitely a huge part of the therapy program and its growth and success. Solid building blocks for a solid foundation. I am forever grateful for their time working for Respire Haiti.
Fast forward to present day. We currently have 4 nationals working in the therapy clinic. One physical therapist and three rehabilitation technicians. There is zero doubt that these four were perfectly hand crafted by God to work alongside Respire. No other explanation exists. God sent them specifically to serve at Respire. I use the term “serve” instead of “work” because they serve our patients, our community, surrounding communities…they do not simply “work”, they serve with kindness and love. The program initially served just children; however now serves all ages of all diagnoses. Together, as a team, we have the privilege of serving 120+ patients a week of varying ages and diagnoses. We provide a parent support group where parents gather in a safe environment and talk about tough stuff. Diving into their hearts and stories has been humbling, heartbreaking, and powerful. My favorite thing about the clinic has been the connections and support that has formed between the patients and their families. Witnessing a group of individuals come together in unity during hardships is an amazing thing. When they come into the therapy clinic, they are able to experience a little relief. A sense of a heavy load being lifted off their shoulders even if just for a short time. I love seeing a group of people coming together and feeling loved, supported, and cared for…sometimes for the first time in their lives. It’s genuine. It’s the body of Christ in action. That’s what the therapy clinic signifies to me – the body of Christ. It is not just about therapy and physical healing. It is so much more. It is deeper. Witnessing what God has done to grow the therapy program is beyond what words can describe. We have shared deep joy and deep sorrow, new life and many deaths, triumphs and failures. We have laughed and we have wept. Jesus has had his hand in it all.
I am often left at a loss of words when I take the time to step back and observe the therapy clinic. Dumbfounded is the only word I can muster up right now. How in the world, was I chosen to develop a therapy clinic…a job I am way under qualified to fulfill? I will never know this side of heaven why God chose me, but I am beyond thankful that I said yes to His call. The peace overflows every inch of me when I am in the therapy clinic. On a daily basis, I witness chains being broken in powerful ways. I see people freed from the chains of a culture/society that tell them they are no good, worthless, nonhuman – those chains are broken and they are released into freedom full of hope. That’s Jesus.
Over the past five years, I have seen things I cannot un-see, heard things I cannot un-hear, and experienced things that will forever be embedded deep in my soul. But through it all, when I allowed, it all has drawn me closer to Jesus. When I initially arrived in Haiti, especially at Respire, I came with a lot of baggage and no expectations. The challenges I have experienced over the 5 years is nothing compared to the growth I have experienced. Growth in all ways – mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Every aspect of my core, my soul, has been tried and tested. Failures have occurred. Successes too. Pain and sorrow. Countless trauma. I have experienced fear and shame. Guilt as well. Confusion. Chains and freedom. Hurt and healing. It’s all very much present, sometimes on a daily basis. Through it all, I see Jesus. He’s been my ultimate defender. My voice when he’s told me to stay silent. He has been my everlasting confidence when the future was unknown. He’s been my faithful comforter during hard times, a faithful cheerleader during times of joy and triumph. He has held me up when the pressure was too much, which I was drowning. He has been my strength when I have fallen tired and weary. He has known what I have needed when I had no clue. His provisions are never ending...and always perfect.
So what’s coming in this next year, year 6 in Haiti?
Well, that is for God to know and for me to trust.
