I have been horrible at updating my blog. I apologize. I promised I would keep the updates coming, but it is truly hard to find the rigt words to say. Every time I sit down to write…I find myself quickly defeated. I start a sentence. Then I erase that sentence. I start another. Then erase that one too. On and on this goes. Then eventually I give up. There have been many experiences that I could share. But written words would not do them justice. Written words just are not enough sometimes. Or at least my written words. My written words do not always capture the whole picture so pieces are left out. Missing pieces are never good. And then there are those experiences that I selfishly want for myself. Just for me to laugh over or to cry over. Just for me. Again, it may be a little selfish, but I want some things from this journey to be just for me.
But I will do my best to provide an update. Some of this may be a repeat.
Clinic life…
It’s tough here though. It is tough to watch yet another mother have to carry her son/daughter because there are no wheelchairs. It is tough to hear that a child lays on the ground or in a bed all day and night because he is unable to sit independently and there are no available seating systems. It is tough to see another malnourished child. It is tough to watch a mom break down in tears out of fear that her son will never lift his head or sit up or walk. It is tough to see sadness on a women’s face after a stroke. It is tough to listen as another adult tells about how she can no longer work because of her stroke. It is tough. There is limited equipment. There are limited supplies. And this clinic has A LOT for being in Haiti. But I cannot help but to flash back to my old job. I picture all the equipment we had available for children to try out and use on a loaner basis…and I think about how much access we have to equipment in the US. It is hard to know that just 2 hours away there is a world that has everything. Just 2 hours.
At the same time, nothing is better than seeing a smile on a face of someone who received orthotics that were adapted from a donated pair. Are they the best? No. The most functional? No. But helpful? Yes. Appreciated? Yes. Nothing is better to see a smile on a women’s face when she moved her arm for the first time after a stroke. Nothing is better than hearing endless laughter out of a little girls mouth after weeks of screaming and crying. Nothing is better than witnessing milestones being achieved. And nothing is better than the smiles and the hugs and the laughter and the friendships.
Life outside of the clinic….
So what do I do when I am not in the clinic?
Well….after work a few us enjoy a good work out (although we have MISSED many workouts). Most of the time we do Insanity….which is definitely hard to do in this heat as we workout outside. Occasionally we enjoy a short moto ride to the Epidor where we indulge in a “snack” before dinner….and last time we had the pleasure of watching Tarzan. Yes, it was being shown on the TV there…it was in french, but who doesn’t love Tarzan in any language. Sometimes we walk to a small market and other times we enjoy a snack from a street vendor (don’t worry the food doesn’t make us sick). We have dinner around 7 and then we just hang out outside (inside is too hot) and enjoy each others company (there are 3 of us volunteers living on the compound). We talk and we do work for the next day. We sometimes play cards and other times we sit in silence.
On the weekends, MariaElena and I typically venture out. MariaElena is another volunteer who has been here for 7 months….she is my interpreter, my tour guide, and most importantly a good friend. We occasionally go to the Chileans house (a group of volunteers from America Solidaria). But we usually explore Haiti via moto rides and tap taps. We meet people. We get to know the culture. We enjoy the Haiti life.
It is still hot…although the nights are getting cooler. I tend to get a little cold if it drops below 80. Sometimes we don’t have power. Sometimes we don’t have internet. Occasionally we don’t have running water. But there is no place I would rather be right now….I enjoy the slower life. I enjoy the new friends. I enjoy the culture. I enjoy the people. I love Haiti!
Written August 31st
I have sat down many times to write an update. But all those times I draw a blank. I just cannot seem to find the words to express the past month. Yes, a month has already gone by…actually it flew past as if I went to bed one night and woke up a month later. One month past means I have 3.5 months left of my stay in Haiti. So now that I am sitting here sweating at 10:30 at night, I thought it would be a good time to write an update. It is hot…like it is back home…but here there is no air conditioning and sometimes no fans (but really the fans only blow the hot air at you faster, ha!)…I am literally dripping in sweat and all I am doing is sitting on the internet listening to some awesome music. Nothing that typically results in perspiration. But that is life here and I truly wouldn’t have it any other way. I will enjoy every drop of sweat if that means I am still in Haiti….
I am loving working with adults! Something I never thought was possible - me working with adult patients. But I will be the first to admit that they are just as much fun as the kiddos….although I still really look forward to treating the kids…and the kiddos will always be my favorite! I do not really know how to sum up the past few weeks at the clinic.
Things that have not been the easiest….watching a mom hit their child - it just isn’t right and that will never get easier to witness and it is extremely frustrating that I do not know the Kreyol words to say to explain to the mom that hitting your kid is not okay. It will also never get easier to see a child bringing a child to therapy…and then watching the two children sit for hours waiting to be picked up only to end up having to walk a long walk home (not to mention that the child has to carry the other child). It never gets easier to see a patient cry tears of frustration and lost hope….and all I can do is communicate through touch and a few words that they may or may not understand. It never gets easier to see a child or an adult who desperately needs a wheelchair when none are available. Or to see a child who needs surgery when you know surgery isn’t possible for one reason or another. It simply just does not get easier….
What does get easier? The relationships. Even with the differences in languages, the relationship building is easier. Communication does not always occur in spoken words. You can still love people without talking and people can still love you. The patients now know me (well at least most of them) and we are able to laugh (and sometimes cry) together without ever speaking a word. The people in the community now recognize me and speak to me as I walk by or ride by on a moto. If they come into the medical clinic, they are the first to say “bonjou, koman ou ye? “ (“hello, how are you”) with a big smile on their face. The kids know run up to me to greet me instead of looking at me from a distance yelling “blan”. Another thing that has gotten easier, is treating with minimal equipment. The clinic has a ton of equipment in comparison to most places in Haiti, but it still has a lot less than what I am accustomed to. But treating patients has become easier and I am blessed to be getting my creativity back. Some patients are harder than others and there are times that I feel like I get in a mode of doing the same thing over and over again…but I think that happens everywhere at times.
As I am enjoying the clinic and getting more comfortable with the adult patients, I still ask the question “what is God’s plan for me here?” What does this clinic need from me? What does Haiti need from me? What does this community need from me? All of these questions are left unanswered, but I truly believe that I am not supposed to know the answers to these questions yet. In HIS time, the answers will come. In HIS time. I just have to be patient and I just have to listen. One thing I do know that it true…I love Haiti more and more as each day passes by…..
