Starting to find my place....

Written August 31st

I have sat down many times to write an update. But all those times I draw a blank. I just cannot seem to find the words to express the past month. Yes, a month has already gone by…actually it flew past as if I went to bed one night and woke up a month later. One month past means I have 3.5 months left of my stay in Haiti. So now that I am sitting here sweating at 10:30 at night, I thought it would be a good time to write an update. It is hot…like it is back home…but here there is no air conditioning and sometimes no fans (but really the fans only blow the hot air at you faster, ha!)…I am literally dripping in sweat and all I am doing is sitting on the internet listening to some awesome music. Nothing that typically results in perspiration. But that is life here and I truly wouldn’t have it any other way. I will enjoy every drop of sweat if that means I am still in Haiti….

I am loving working with adults! Something I never thought was possible - me working with adult patients. But I will be the first to admit that they are just as much fun as the kiddos….although I still really look forward to treating the kids…and the kiddos will always be my favorite! I do not really know how to sum up the past few weeks at the clinic.

Things that have not been the easiest….watching a mom hit their child - it just isn’t right and that will never get easier to witness and it is extremely frustrating that I do not know the Kreyol words to say to explain to the mom that hitting your kid is not okay. It will also never get easier to see a child bringing a child to therapy…and then watching the two children sit for hours waiting to be picked up only to end up having to walk a long walk home (not to mention that the child has to carry the other child). It never gets easier to see a patient cry tears of frustration and lost hope….and all I can do is communicate through touch and a few words that they may or may not understand. It never gets easier to see a child or an adult who desperately needs a wheelchair when none are available. Or to see a child who needs surgery when you know surgery isn’t possible for one reason or another. It simply just does not get easier….

What does get easier? The relationships. Even with the differences in languages, the relationship building is easier. Communication does not always occur in spoken words. You can still love people without talking and people can still love you. The patients now know me (well at least most of them) and we are able to laugh (and sometimes cry) together without ever speaking a word. The people in the community now recognize me and speak to me as I walk by or ride by on a moto. If they come into the medical clinic, they are the first to say “bonjou, koman ou ye? “ (“hello, how are you”) with a big smile on their face. The kids know run up to me to greet me instead of looking at me from a distance yelling “blan”.  Another thing that has gotten easier, is treating with minimal equipment. The clinic has a ton of equipment in comparison to most places in Haiti, but it still has a lot less than what I am accustomed to. But treating patients has become easier and I am blessed to be getting my creativity back. Some patients are harder than others and there are times that I feel like I get in a mode of doing the same thing over and over again…but I think that happens everywhere at times. 

As I am enjoying the clinic and getting more comfortable with the adult patients, I still ask the question “what is God’s plan for me here?” What does this clinic need from me? What does Haiti need from me? What does this community need from me? All of these questions are left unanswered, but I truly believe that I am not supposed to know the answers to these questions yet. In HIS time, the answers will come. In HIS time. I just have to be patient and I just have to listen. One thing I do know that it true…I love Haiti more and more as each day passes by…..